She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
