I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
