You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
