in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
