It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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