My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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