felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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