at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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