I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
