i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my shit smells like andre
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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