You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
