I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
