Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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