ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You left your phone here
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