Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
