my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
