Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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