You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
