so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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