it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
