my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
