we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
