They should really pass out barf bags in church
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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