that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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