I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
