i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
