So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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