btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
