A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
