I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
