So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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