just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
