Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
