Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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