Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
