Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
