Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
where am i from again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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