see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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