apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
