Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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