dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
