She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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