I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My ATM looks so different sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
