Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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