No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
