i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
