why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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