actually, I'm a sock model
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
