watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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