Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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